You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
