When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
