If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
