i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
