why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
