I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
