i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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