My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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