We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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