Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
