Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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