one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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