I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
