i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A bitchslap is in order.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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