Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
