If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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