I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
