If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
3 2 1 whiskey
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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