Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
