allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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