How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
