my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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