I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
