Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
