My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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