I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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