No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
