I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
