McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
