Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
