I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
