Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
did i just pee glitter
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
