I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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