Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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