k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
