oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
