come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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