Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
