Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
