So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
