If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
