Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't deserve a penis
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
where are my eyebrows?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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