I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
