Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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