I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
