After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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