we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
