I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
