we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I deserve this hangover.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
