My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
