She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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